Dogs, Art , Lyme and Hope

Powerful lessons have come to my paint brushes this year. They have not moved a inch , they no longer have paint on them , and I have sat still myself as go through treatment . It has been brutally hard, and I have lost my way in darkness at times.

I have sat for hours as IV antibiotic slowly infuse into my picc line that goes to the top of my heart and then the antibiotics can flow straight to my brain . Poison in poison out ....and the beat goes on with treatment.

I have cried more than I ever imagine a person could , as my brain has been swollen from treatment which leads to anxiety and panic. Through the tears, I search for relief , I prayed for relief , I cried for relief.

I needed my art, I miss my art, .....I am lost. What can I do sitting in this chair ? Out came the sketch pad from my hero Anita . Out came the color pencils. Can I do this....?

Oh my poor brain , struggle, more struggle, frustration . Can I even sketch again ? Do I have the strength . Little by little I struggle to sketch , everyday I do not know if I have the strength or the brain power . I have learn to forgive myself for days I can not sketch and to be soooo thankful for the days I can .

Each sketch is a gift, a gift of hope....a gift of kindness. With each sketch I find the joy of friendship in them . The passion of dogs ....with each sketch I reach for good health. With each sketch I reach to live beyond my chair. To all out there who struggle , look into your dogs eyes and learn a powerful lesson , never give up ! Because dogs never ever give up on us .

The New Normal

The new normal, has become my daily battle with Lyme disease and it's many co infections that I also have. I wake up to pain..... there is never a morning that I do not wake to pain. There is just one question , how will I deal with my new normal  today?

   Will my brain work today , or will the words vanish from my mind. Oh please let me remember, or will I stare blankly as someone tries to talk to me.  Lyme has affect my mind, I now have white lesions throughout my brain.  So if my words are not always the best , forgive me. 

  I have chosen to reach out and share my new normal, because so many have reach out to hold me up this past year. As I walk in the darkness of Lyme , there is always a light, it may be small , hard to see, but it is there, always there. This light has been part of my new normal , this light is full of my friends and family.  I wake up to this light....there is never a morning that I do not wake up to this light, it is shinning brightly next to my pain. 

Finding my way through my new normal. 

Thank you everyone for the bright light you bring to me every day.....it is amazing .