Life at the crossroads , looking with hope .

The Rockefellers wanted to have a mural put on the ground-floor wall of Rockefeller Center. Nelson Rockefeller wanted Henri Matisse or Pablo Picasso to do it because he favored their modern style, but neither was available. Diego Rivera was one of Nelson Rockefeller's mother's favorite artists and therefore was commissioned to create the huge mural. He was given a theme: "Man at the Crossroads Looking with Hope and High Vision to the Choosing of a New and Better Future."[1] Rockefeller wanted the painting to make people pause and think.[2]

I had a wonderful phone call for new commission today of a very special dog . Mixed with a multitude of emotions I said yes, a yes with full disclosed of my daily struggles with treatment . A yes with a promise I would email Anita so I would not forget the facts of the conversation. A yes that said I will do my very best , but explaining I have weeks when my paint brush does not move.

I live my life in the crossroads, going forward only to then go backwards , but then slightly forward . I live my life looking with hope to a new and better future. I live my life in the crossroads, not knowing what the next day will be. Little Lu comes to me when I am really sick from treatment . She lays her head on my chest , she knows , she is so gentle and peaceful around me . It is amazing , I can feel her strength and her kindness. I am blessed !

I hope to have a good day soon and see my brush hit the canvas again . In the mean time I will be in the crossroads looking with hope and high vision to choosing a new and better future .

Cooper is done !

A fresh coat of semi gloss varnish covers my painting today creating a lovely soft finish . Tomorrow I will mount the hanging hardware and begin looking for a box for shipping . Four months , one painting . Emotions are mixed with disappointment and pride. This size painting would normally have taken the old Pam a month . The new Pam takes four months . The Pam of six months ago could not even have painted it. So I am humble and thankful at the same time .

As I was varnishing cooper today , I wonder to my self if my art has change ? My life has change , I am no longer old Pam . I will never be old Pam. Hard to look that one in the face , but illness changes you . I do think my art has change , my brush strokes are softer, as my strength is not the same . I do see more of my heart, on the canvas , maybe more vulnerable as illness does this.

My desire to paint has not change , it is still there, calling me . My passion is strong , but my body is not always willing . So on that note I am proud to write I will be shipping cooper home this week . My first painting of 2013.

Thank you for Pedey and Lu ,to Tracy Sepela , Beth Seman, and Karen Flicher

I woke up this morning thinking about all the special friends and joy I have found on Facebook . For me who only leaves the house on a average one time a week to get my picc line bandage change and blood work at the hospital it has been my connection to the world . What a gift Facebook has given to me , social connection . It has been a long hard year in treatment , but out of it came dear friends that I have never seen in person , but now belong deeply in my heart.

I have wanted a dog for about 8 months . Yes I would check out pet finder, when Anita was not looking . I followed up on some posting on Facebook, only to find the pup was in California , how could I ever make that happen ?

Then I had the honor of sketching Malcolm and Lucy , who belong to Karen Flicher and Beth Seaman . Both these little guys are doxies, which I had my heart set on because of my illness I knew a little dog would be easier .

I spent months bringing up my wish for another dog with Anita . Yes, I knew she was right , She does daily IV infusion , shots , pills and i spend days on the couch . Anita was so busy taking care of me how could I expect her to care for another dog ?

But those sketches gave me the longing , and Beth Seman was into rescues. .Before I knew it dogs for adoption were on my Facebook page and other friends were pitching in on the sales job to Anita . Tracey Sepela and Karen Flicher were the greatest saleswomen and poor Anita did not stand a chance . Anita said YES ! Lu and Pedey are part of our family .

Just so you know ladies every morning I hear laughter and giggles coming out of Anita , as Pedey and Lu lick her face . To hear that is heaven to me .

Thank you ladies for the joy you gave to us !