Learning to trust yourself

Creating art requires a massive amount of energy and brain power. I am struggling in both departments. My new normal is all about energy management . If I over do just a inch over the line , my body and brain crumble under my constant battle with Lyme disease and co- infections. This has become so frustrating ,one day what puts me over the edge can be the exact opposite of the next day . It's very easy to know when I have cross this line , my body screams with pain and nuerlogical symtoms . The hard part is listening to my body before it gets to that magic line of no return . 

  

My heart may say let's draw today and my body says no I am in to much pain . The next day comes and my heart says let's draw today and my brain says no , to much pressure and inflammation . So what my heart says does not often win .  

My heart won three times in the last couple months . Good thing I am soooo stubborn and my heart never stops asking . 

Move it or lose it ....oh so true

"Move it or lose it "....I heard this quote many times growing up , always just listening and chugging happily forward in my life . Well now , become ill and you start hearing this quote in your head over and over again in all parts of your life . It's become a daily battle and war to " Move it " .  Maybe deep inside me somewhere this quote was screaming in my head keep drawing, do not lose that part of your brain, keep moving your pencils and never give up  your passion for dogs . My goal for 2014 is to complete 4 pencil portraits a month and build up my strength to paint . I am already short on my goal this month .....treatment has been hard . Failure ? Nope ........because I am building my strength , I am " Moving it "

Thank you everyone for believing in me and my art ! 

Dog Rescue , Lana Schippers, Beth Seman , Hope Cruser and Tracy Sepela

I finished my cocker spaniel sketch for Cocker Spaniel Rescue of New England Fundraiser . It is exciting to give back to the world of Dog Rescue . I have such admiration for the strength and passion I see in , Lana Schippers, Beth Seman, Hope Cruser and Tracy Sepela and so many more who volunteer. They are the heroes and the hope for so many dogs . 

We had the sweetest little cocker name " Baily " who was only full of kindness, and this donation will be made in his name . 

Thank you , and big pat on the back to all who work at Cocker Spaniel Rescue of New England ! You are amazing !  

Hard lessons that I needed to learn !

It has been 3 1/2 years since I have done a Art show . With Anita by my side , we packed the truck and off we went to Freeport Fall Festival . I brought all the tools I needed a walker ,cane and a big basket of hope . We requested that our tents be next to each other, and Anita was always right there. 

I can write " I DID IT " 

I can also write that I am a stubborn and passionate artist , which can be good or bad .  The big lesson here is that I have a very long journey of healing to take place before I do another show . 

Sunday night after the show , my neurological symtoms showed up loud and clear . They included tremors , slur speech and teeth chattering and so much pain . Off to bed I went only to have a nightmare that I was going back on IV Antibiotics, I woke up screaming "NO ! NO ! 

So my body was sending me a message , that I was now hearing loud and clear . IV Antibiotic was the worst year of my life and I am NOT doing that again !! NO more pushing ! Moderation , healing , and resting are my new goals. 

New goals are to be ,rest in my chair and sketch ,on my really good days ,to paint in my studio or work in my garden . I am listening to my lessons !!!!!!!

Cooper is done !

A fresh coat of semi gloss varnish covers my painting today creating a lovely soft finish . Tomorrow I will mount the hanging hardware and begin looking for a box for shipping . Four months , one painting . Emotions are mixed with disappointment and pride. This size painting would normally have taken the old Pam a month . The new Pam takes four months . The Pam of six months ago could not even have painted it. So I am humble and thankful at the same time .

As I was varnishing cooper today , I wonder to my self if my art has change ? My life has change , I am no longer old Pam . I will never be old Pam. Hard to look that one in the face , but illness changes you . I do think my art has change , my brush strokes are softer, as my strength is not the same . I do see more of my heart, on the canvas , maybe more vulnerable as illness does this.

My desire to paint has not change , it is still there, calling me . My passion is strong , but my body is not always willing . So on that note I am proud to write I will be shipping cooper home this week . My first painting of 2013.

For the Love of dogs

They come into our homes and steal our hearts. They make us smile and giggle and laugh out loud. They snuggle , lick , bark and wag every day. They make us slow down and go for a walks and pay attention to nature. They are soooo joyful .

As a artist my goal is to capture that joy and spread that dog love again and again. This is a high standard to live up to . The greatest moments in my sketches is feeling that joy or tenderness , that I see in the eyes of dogs. It is all about the eyes. I can not express what a true honor it is to sketch a beloved dog . So , lets celebrate the love of dogs today !